Congratulations!
Dear Tom Cruise,
Wow, man, you must be SO EXCITED about becoming a father! I mean, how great is that? You two are so clearly made for each other, it's like you're the same flavor of crazy. So anyway, I just wanted to mention that after the baby arrives you really should watch your girl Katie closely. Does she seem weepy? And not like "we will be on our honeymoon forever" weepy but weepy FOR REAL. Does she seem gloomy and hopeless? Not interested in the baby or you or life? If the answer to any of these questions is "yes" then I think you know what to do. Tell her all about your proven depression relieving regimen of Flintstone Chewables® and Jazzercise®. She might seem less than thrilled with your idea. But keep trying. And remember, even if the whole things goes south and she ends up sticking a steak knife in your kidney, severe gushing puncture wounds are easily treated with a One-A-Day Men's Health and a good brisk walk.
Good luck!
Your pal,
Kimberly
posted by righter at 4:36 PM
